I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
