quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize