i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
