She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
