not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
