From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
