first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
