I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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