The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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