textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
