they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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