I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
