My Higher Power is John Stamos
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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