small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize