We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
