That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
