She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He passed out mid-signature
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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