Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Who died my cat blue again?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
