I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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