No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
