I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
