I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
