The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
