im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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