Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
