I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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