You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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