Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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