I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
