butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
