GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize