Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
