I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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