I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
