i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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