I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
