I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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