You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
