So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
