I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
