whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize