Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
