Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
