Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
