i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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