the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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