i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
