Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
