My sheets look like a crime scene.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Randomize
