How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
