I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
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