Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize