my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
