What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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