Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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