Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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