Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
