Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
