made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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