I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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