I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
