I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
