Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I think i got beer on your cat.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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