The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
