Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
