forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
