Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
