I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
