Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize