You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
