so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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