They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize