problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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